Not a stellar day

I rather fell off the wagon today.  Oh, not badly – nothing was broken, but I got a few bruises.

Mother’s Day.  Yet another day when the family comes here.  Sometimes, living with Gram has disadvantages.   Because she is the matriarch of the family, everyone travels to her for all holidays.  Of course, that also means Gram and Mom do all of the cooking…everyone else just shows up to eat.  I help, but not with cooking.  That’s not my strong suit.  I do the heavy lifting – clean the porch, take things up and down the stairs, set up enough tables and chairs to seat 30+ people…that sort of thing.  +

I also assist with getting the “munchies” ready.  As I said, people come here to eat, so there had better be plenty.  So my job today (among others) was to put together the snack trays.  The vegetables were okay – a cucumber or piece of celery aren’t a big deal.  You do know that there’s some sort of rule that says, “Thou must not prepare the snack tray without nibbling,” right? It wasn’t so bad when I put together the crab dip either.  Well, not so much a dip as a couple blocks of cream cheese, crab, and cocktail sauce.  The crab was low in calories, so a couple of nibbles here and there weren’t detrimental.  Of course, I also needed to test the ham, right?  Gotta make sure it tastes good before putting it out on the table for everyone else!  A couple of small, bite-sized pieces were okay.  Oh!  Mom needed the spaghetti sauce tested.  So, have to have a spoonfull or two to make sure it didn’t need more basil or garlic.

Then it’s time for the meal to actually begin.  Okay, it’s Mother’s Day.  I really should spend some time with the family and have a meal with them.  No problem, I usually have a very low calorie meal each day – a salad or something – so I can just have little bits of things and it won’t kill me.

Until I tasted the pasta.

Mom made it my favorite way – with the ground beef cooked right in the sauce.  She hadn’t made it that way since I was a kid when we were living in San Diego.  It was SO GOOD.  Just a small scoop, that’s not too bad.  And a small piece of ham, because it was quite tasty.  Then there was the second scoop of pasta.  Ugh!  Why did I have that second scoop??  I felt so horrible after eating it!  The upside to that was the fact that I felt incredibly full when I was finished.  Usually, I could eat much more than that.  But the downside is that I felt incredibly full for a while afterward.  It was a constant reminder that I fell off that damned wagon.

I stayed downstairs for the rest of the day, hidden away in my room watching TV.  I needed to stay away from the food.  Around this house, on the holidays, there is around-the-clock food – snacks before the meal, then the meal (which stays out for a while since some people come late), then more snacks out and about for people to much, then desert (which consisted of my cousin’s chocolate pie and my mother’s pound cake), and, still, the snacks are out on the tables.

I’m sure my family thought I was being rude.  I wasn’t.  I was actually looking forward to talking to some of them.  But I just couldn’t put myself in that place where it’s so easy to just reach out for that Cheeto or say yes to that small slice of cake/pie.  I simply needed to say away so that my tumble off that rickety wagon didn’t cause more injury.

What’s worse – I didn’t work out this weekend.  My back hurt yesterday and I didn’t want to aggravate it by working out.  I have two herniated disks, so I need to pay heed when my back yells at me – I’m trying to avoid surgery. Using the treadmill today was out of the question since it’s on the porch and that’s where everyone was.  So I feel particularly bad.

I’ll just have to make up for it this week, dammit.  Hopefully I’ll be able to work out tomorrow night to make up for yesterday.  If not, definitely hitting the treadmill.  I’m determined to lose this weight!!  I’ve been doing very well up until today – I’m fitting into some clothes that have been too small for a couple of years and actually starting to notice the change in my body.  It’s not significant and others may not notice, but I do simply by the way my clothes are fitting.

So that’s it.  No more.  Renewed dedication.  Hitting the circuit hard.  Drinking water, water and more water.  I have to!

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Posted on May 10, 2009, in Fitness. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. It happens, honey. Losing weight is so hard, and holy hell, you’re doing much better than i’m doing (of course, if i ate less/healthier and actually DID some exercise, maybe i’d get results too). You know, i went to a dietologist once….she made me eat whatever i wanted on holidays *shrug* no point in torturing yourself needlessly…and one day isn’t a huge problem if it doesn’t happen every day. You’re doing so well, just hang on, yeah? i hug you.

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